Count Each Other’s Blessings?


Is it ever right to count other’s blessings?

When upon life’s billows you are tempest tossed,
When you are discouraged, thinking all is lost,
Count your many blessings name them one by one,
And it will surprise you what the Lord has done.
Johnson Oatman, 1897
could barely hold back. Airing, venting, bemoaning her stay-at-home mom status- short nights, short showers, short of funds, cluttered closets, laundry without end, amen. 

Blessings flooded my mind. I was counting blessings, all right. Her blessings. Like her hard-working husband and retired parents the next block over. And her four kids and the chance to stay at home with them. Blessings she didn’t seem to see. But I didn’t mention these.

Should I have? Should we ever count each other’s blessings? Before you answer, let me explain.

Don’t sing songs to heavy hearts.

Let no corrupting talk come out of your moths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear. Ephesians 4:29

I absolutely don’t mean this: I don’t mean telling a friend who just lost her Mom, at least you’ve got your sister. Or “reminding” a friend who recently miscarried again, at least you’ve still got Emma and Ben.  I don’t mean saying at least your house is paid for, to a friend who lost his job yesterday.

That is not what I mean. That is pouring vinegar on soda, stealing a coat on a cold day. That is singing songs to a heavy heart (Proverbs 25:20). Counting blessings over fresh wounds is mean. That’s not what I’m asking.

Sometimes words won’t come. And that’s a good thing. Then is time to weep with those who weep, to live in harmony. 

Count each other’s blessings?

But is there ever a time when it’s okay to look a friend in the face and tell her how good to her God’s been-to her? Is it ever good to remind disgruntled friends how kind God’s been to them?

Winston Churchill said, Courage is what it takes to stand up and speak; courage is also what it takes to sit down and listen. 

Call it courage, or wisdom from on high, to know when hold ’em and when to play those blessings down. To know the word that will sustain the weary, or if the weary are blind.

The song says, Count your blessings. We get that. We’re called to rejoice always and give thanks in all circumstances. This is God’s revealed will for us. That we know for sure.

But what about counting for others?

Prime the thankful pump.

May the word of God dwell in you richly, teaching and admonishing one another in all wisdom…with thankfulness to God. Colossians 3:16

I do mean to ask this: Does she have to come to her senses alone and see that she’s the one complaining about having no shoes? Or can we prime the thankful pump?


We all can get blind to the familiar. Blind to blessings. Blind to both common and special grace. We can so easily take God’s goodness for granted. When is a friend- even incumbent on a friend- to remind us of our blessings?

The Apostle Paul thought so. He often helped the saints count the blessings they might not have seen.

Paul prayed the eyes of Ephesian hearts would be enlightened so they would know their great hope, and God’s power and the riches of his grace. He reminded Colossians how they were dead in trespasses and now made alive. He reminded the Romans they’d been set free from sin. Spiritual, sure. Blessings, indeed.

But Scripture does describe counting others’ physical blessings, too. As, when in the dark days of the judges, the former widow Ruth bore a son.

Then the women said to Naomi, “Blessed be the LORD, who has not left you this day without a redeemer, and may his name be renowned in Israel! He shall be to you a restorer of life and a nourisher of your old age, for your daughter in law who loves you, who is more to you than seven sons, has given birth to him.” (Ruth 4:14-16)

The women called out Ruth’s blessings.

It’s a do-unto-others sort of thing.

Exhort one another every day, as long as it is called “today,” that none of you may be hardened by the deceitfulness of sin. Hebrews 3:13

Counting each others’ blessings can be a subset of Hebrews 3:13. Matthew Henry wrote on that verse,


We should be doing all the good we can to one another while we are together, which will be but a short and uncertain time. If Christians do not exhort one another daily, they will be in danger of being hardened through the deceitfulness of sin. 


It’s a do-unto-others sort of thing. Because no one wants a hard heart.


But sin is deceptive. And since grumbling is a sin (1 Corinthians 10:10), and since many of us find it easier to count problems and worries, it might be incumbent on friends to help us count our blessings. Because sanctification is a community project.


But, yes, timingand intent-are everything. Don’t sing songs to a freshly wounded heart. But if the Spirit leads, and you have a heart to help, count your sister’s blessings. Restore gently, testing your own heart for envy and pride. Then start counting. It might surprise her what the Lord has done.

And much as we might not want to hear it, ungrateful grumbly hearts might turn to hardened, sinful hearts. I for one don’t want a heart like that.

So, friends, please don’t hold back on me. If you catch me in a grumbly rut, start singing.

I give you permission: Please Recount God’s blessings to me.

I will give thanks to the LORD with my whole heart;
I will recount all of your wonderful deeds. 
Psalm 9:1