She Meddles Not: In Praise of a Non-Meddlesome Mom

She opens her mouth with wisdom, and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue.

Proverbs 31:26

I could go right down Proverbs 31 line by line and apply each virtue to Mom. It would be easy. Because my mom is easy to praise. In fact, that’s how this post started (See me later for that draft, Mom.)

But one bit of wisdom mom has given from me is: Short and sweet, Girl. Get past the curse of knowledge.

So I’ll try that. I won’t assume background knowledge. I’ll be short and sweet.

Here’s one more reason I praise my mom.

Mom Doesn’t Meddle

Meddling means interfering. Not minding your business. Sometimes I struggle with that. Not meddling isn’t among the virtues hailed in Proverbs 31. But it’s between the lines. Because children don’t rise up and call a meddling mom blessed. And because meddling flies in the face of laughing at the days to come (31:25), nor is it wise (31:26).

In fact, the word meddle isn’t used much in the Bible. But the one time that jumps to mind is 1 Peter 4:15. Make sure that none of you suffers as a murderer, or thief, or evildoer, or a troublesome meddler. Yes, meddler. Peter lists it right there with murderer and thief as behaviors that bring suffering down on us. Mom knows this.

I can count on one hand- maybe on 1 finger, maybe none!- the number of times in my adult life that Mom has given unwanted advice. She uses her words with restraint (Proverbs 17:27) and knows that holding her tongue is wise (Proverbs 10:19).

When I share my own mom struggles with my mom her MO is to 1. listen well, 2. purse her lips, 3. nod her head, then maybe ask, 4. Want my advice, Babe?

Such restraint. Such wisdom. What a gift from my non-meddlesome mom.

Not Meddling Does Not Mean Un-Involved

Which is not at all to say Mom’s hands-off or uninvolved. In fact, those words couldn’t be further from the truth. Mom is in our lives in so many kind, daily ways.

Ducks in garden pond
“Lucky Ducks” mom wrote.

Hardly a day goes by without a happy text or punny picture. Yesterday was “Two Canadian guests at our lakeside property.” The pic-fowl swimming in their flooded garden puddle.

During garden season, we await mom’s weekly, post-farmer’s market calls: Hi Babe, here’s what we’ve got.

Then she lists what’s left- seasonal, of course- radishes, peas, lettuce, asparagus, and a fresh bouquet for you. Just tell me what you want and we’ll bring it.

But she doesn’t force it on us or ask why we don’t take turnips (a private matter between Jim and me).

A person convinced against his will is of the same opinion still.

Mother and daughter adults

That’s actually a quote from my Jim’s grandma, not Mom. But Mom knows it. Because she doesn’t advise when we we don’t want advice. That said, she has given me some pretty wise advice.

Mark Twain said something to the effect of, “My father was an amazing man. The older I got, the smarter he got.” I feel the same way about my mom. The older I get the more I want her advice.

She gave kindly yesterday when she dropped off the first run of rhubarb, when the talk turned again to the sons.

Give the last word. Choose your battles. Trust God. And pray.

Beautiful

Charm is deceptive and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised.Proverbs 31:30 is truth. And one big way we can “see” that someone fears the Lord is when she follows Jesus.

Do you remember the exchange in Luke 12 when someone in the crowd tried to get Jesus to meddle? Spoiler alert: He didn’t.

Instead, Jesus said to him,

Man, who made me a judge or arbitrator over you?”

Beautiful people look like Jesus.

And like my non-meddlesome Mom.

Make it your goal to live a quiet life, minding your own business and working with your hands, just as we instructed you before.

1 Thessalonians 4:11

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